Roddie Espalliat

Player Note:

Big Boat. Lil Yatchy. Known for rebounding and hustle but not for much else. Good vibes type of teammate and is capable of excuting strategies that do not involve shooting. Hope your finger is healed. Sorry for this tournament in-between your night shifts? 

Recap Written by Ai: 

A 1.8 three-point rating — the lowest offensive number ever recorded across this entire wall of shame — on a man who grabs every single rebound at a perfect 5 out of 5. Do you understand what that means? He collects his own misses. Repeatedly. He rebounds his own catastrophic three-point attempts, looks down at the ball, and then attempts another one. A perfect rebounder who cannot score is just a very hardworking person returning bad decisions to the possession column. His perimeter defense is a 7 — genuinely elite — meaning he stops other people from shooting the three while personally attempting it at a 1.8. The hypocrisy alone deserves a technical foul. Beloved by teammates, trusted by coaches, adored by the locker room, and completely unable to put the ball in the basket at any range or from any location on the floor. Zero rings. A career of spectacular defending, relentless rebounding, and offensive output so limited that the coaching staff's entire gameplan was simply: do not let him shoot, do not let him dribble, do not let him pass, just let him stand near the basket and be large. It worked okay. Not championship okay. Just okay.